i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
