I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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