in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
