god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dick very happy bro
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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