im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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