You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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