Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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