I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
