I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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