It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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