I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
