your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize