We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
