It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
