Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think i got beer on your cat.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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