bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
