Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
