Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who died my cat blue again?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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