it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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