He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
