i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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