Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
