would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
