and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
