My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
