Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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