Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
