i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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