so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
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Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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