Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
