Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
