I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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