im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
