Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize