a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
