it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
