My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
