If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
