1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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