bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
