Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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