it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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