Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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