I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
