I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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