Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
