I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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