Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
