I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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