I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
