I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
