Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
