The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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