The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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