well you can't waste a boner
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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