Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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