i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
