What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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