Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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