I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Houston, we have a blender
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
