I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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