Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
