just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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