found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
