Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
