last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize