people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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