Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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