I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
