And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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