My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
