Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
