It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
