You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
