Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize