I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize