My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
only you would photoshop your dick
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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