and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
