it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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